I have recently become closer with my Senegalese family and we have begun to share the intricate details that make up each of our cultures. Differing customs, rituals, and ways of life have surprised us both. For example, I learned just the other day, that you do not ask a Senegalese woman how many children she has. As an explanation for why you must stay away from this taboo topic, when I asked my Senegalese mother this question, she responded, in her best english "I have fifteen children, 5 have dead." In reality, she has seven children, all of whom are living, howewer her response so clearly shows why this question goes unasked. Not only is there a discreet veil, not to be lifted by an outsider, that covers the known and undoubtedly unknown children of a family of four wives; the poverty, insufficient health care, and high disease rates can cause for tradegy any mother wants not to be reminded of.
Quite possibly the most emotionally charged difference (only so because as I have been so often reminded, I am quite hardheaded) is the roles of women and men. In this patriarchial society, "the man makes law." The woman in general, but especially the wife, does as the man or her husband says without question. The man also runs the household; his permission must always be granted before an activity is attended. This change in power structure has taken quite a toll on me. As a strong, heavily opinionated individual who, though I do ask for others suggestion, always knows what she wants, its hard to get used to the idea of being governed by some man's rule simply because he is a man.
The other day, I spent most of the day reading my new found english book (a treasure in a world of french and wolof text and tv). It was midday, so the sun was up, but my room was far to dark for reading without a light. Even still, the father of my house came to my room, mumbled something in his unsuccesful attempt at enlish and turned off the light. Left beffulded, I asked the daughter why her father turned of the light. They spoke in wolof and she was left to translate that he didn't want the lights on during the day because electricity was so expensive. Frustrated, I complied and continue to read by the flashlight on my cellphone only to have the mother of my family come in 10 minutes later and turn the light back on. She told me, in her slightly more comprehensible english that when he is home I should keep the light off but when he is gone I may turn the light on. She went on to say "he is very old man, he don't remember much." She smiled and closed the door to my now illuminated room and we exchanged a glance that was understood despite our language barrier. I couldn't help but laugh as I realized that regardless of how thing may appear, women are in more control than anyone would think. Its almost like the relationship between the mischievious child and the oblivious parents who may think they are in charge but are constantly outwitted and ultimately controlled by the child who somehow always finds a way to do what he/she wants. Or maybe a better example, for those who have seen Inception: the man may act out the idea, but who's idea was it to begin with?
Maybe things aren't as bad off as I had thought. Perhaps it won't be so difficult to settle into the ways of life here and play along as if the man makes law. Only if, as is so clearly the case in my home, I am still the mastermind behind it all.
