HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday to my most beautiful, amazing, special, irreplaceable, mommy!!! Wish I could be there to celebrate with you :)

I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU

Forget Where's Waldo, Where's Aleja...

Lost.  Lost in the darkness of daily power outages searching for a remembrance of my mother's love..The faux illumination from the lamp she sent is hardly equivalent to that which the absent electricity would provide. Equally her voice and pixelated image through skype barely compare to the spiritual awakening evoked by her presence or the ringing in my ears left behind from her laughter. It will have to suffice. Lost in the the overwhelming cries bellowing from the mouths of my Senegalese babies.  Begging for silence, I search for a peace not from the cries themselves, but from their cause.  Lost in the incessant itch of mosquito bites. Invisible until my skin reacts.  I wish there was a way to alter the smell of my blood..somehow make it less satisfying for those annoying, persistent, creatures. Lost in the too familiar taste of Fish and Rice.  Realizing as the months dwindle away, I won't be home for Thanksgiving.  Every single one of my 10,000 taste buds hates me for this.  Lost in the stench of dirty diapers and vomit.  Wondering who chose me to have the blessing of an uninstitutionalized life.  For here, schedule,routine and order outshine need, love and care.  Dirty for it is not time to bathe, hungry for it is not time to eat and passing life away with persistent rocking in the confinement of a crib for it is never time to be held.  Lost in the cultural veil transparent to everyone but me.  Mocked for my "rasta" locs, American tongue, and inquisitive nature all which pale in comparison to the shock in my ability to refuse the orders of a man...Lost. 

As I spiral out of control I struggle for direction back home.  Back to sanity, calm, peace, love and purpose.  The more I fight the more I realize I'm looking for help in all the wrong places. My destination is not concrete.  The path not marked out on a map.  No external source will ever show me the way for Spirit is my North Star. Internally I will follow its guidance and despite the poverty, the tragedy and the hearbreaking circumstances I see daily...I will never be lost again.